Tonight I told Jim that "I’m just a very
impatient person. I don’t have patience for sleep and that’s why I can just go
right to sleep, no problem". Well that backfired on me.
I’m sat awake with what I call ‘Mom
syndrome’. Let me explain…
For as long as I can remember, my
mother—Mrs. Fischer—was awake late at night and then up as early as possible in
the morning. I actually think she has never slept and perhaps she just slumbers. She
has what she calls ‘The Catholic Guilt’.
I guess different generations call it
different things. Anyway the symptoms of ‘Mom Syndrome/Catholic Guilt’ are not
being able to sleep because you A) Forgot to return a library book or pay a
bill, B) Remember that old friend you haven’t been in touch with lately and are
just a bit curious as to where they are, C) Are trying to sort out ALL of your
lives problems before nodding off. And for some reason this only happens while falling asleep.
Maybe it’s because I spoke with my dad today. Or could it be that I’ve picked up some strange mom sympathy sleepless-ness
since it’s US mother’s day on Sunday?
Regardless, I’m remembering people I haven’t been in touch with
for a while and I’m thinking about them as well as reminiscing on times and places.
Not to brag, but I have been having a pretty fun and very interesting
life. I’ve met so many people in different places and times of my life and I
have LOVED almost all of it. If you are reading this and are one of them, I
most likely do remember you and I do think of you.
You would not believe the random memories I
have at random moments. I sometimes worry that I’m verging psychosis but I just play
it off over here as “that Crazy American girl”.
While I’m not trying to boast about my life
but I’ll have a flash back to: a weekend in Chicago; a Van ride up to Canada;
Easter when my niece was 2 years old; The excitement and temperature at High
school Homecoming football games; Getting burgled; Planting a tree; or just how
it felt to sit on my sofa in Stevens Point, Brooklyn, Queens, or Harrogate.
I would imagine most
people have memories but tonight I cannot turn them off. So I’ll write about
them.
Some more memories that are popping into my
head:
- Painting myself black for an art project.
- Visiting Coney Island... I remember EVERY time and who I went with or why I went
- Making a Lion mosaic from pieces of paper, I particularly liked the mane.
- Visually tracing the bulletin board my 2nd grade teacher made white a movie was playing instead of watching the movie.
- Making Mexicali soup in a crockpot in 3rd grade.
- Playing first chair next to Leah Schneider and Erik Mackey.
- Getting Micky D’s before basketball practice in 7th Grade
- Running with the NiddValley Road Runners on a wet rainy night.
- My 30th Birthday and everyone there and everything they said (well to some extent).
- A Jingle Bell necklace my godfather gave to me as a gift when I was young. I broke it and was so sad because I thought it was the most beautiful thing. I still kept it because I thought it was beautiful but I never got to wear it.
- Hailing a taxi in front of Penn Station in the Pouring rain, soaked from head to toe, in my black dress with no shoes on.
- My very first taxi ride in NYC from the plane at JFK to the apartment in Brooklyn. I got seriously carsick but was so excited to have just moved to NY that it didn’t matter.
- The best night in the UN Millennium Plaza hotel after a Knicks game.
- Kayaking with Matt Stengl down the Eau Clair River.
- Finding out I inspired someone to become an artist.
- Breaking up with my very first best friend in second grade. I still feel sad about that.
- Driving to Lagos with Lisa and finding the sea.
- Seeing sun beams shine down on the Acropolis.
I suppose that’s enough for now or I will
be awake all night. Hopefully writing about it will allow me to sleep for now. I’ve also realized I have lived a very good and privileged
life. And for that I’m really grateful.
Also, I am about to create new memories, so
maybe that’s why I’m thinking about the past so much. I’m going on my very first hen do!!!!
It’s the British version of a bachelorette party but slightly different. We are
going to York and I’m really looking forward to meeting and getting to know
more people better. I love people and I love making new friends. SO, I’m
possibly just excited.
Well here I go again to try to sleep, wish
me luck. xxx
